Living with someone is the ultimate stress test for a relationship. It doesn’t matter if they’re your best friend, your partner, or a stranger from the internet—sharing a bathroom changes everything.
Lifestyle > Likeability
Friendship compatibility is not lease compatibility. Small habits become permanent systems.
Unspoken assumptions
“Obviously we’ll keep it clean” means nothing unless you define what “clean” is.
Turn vibes into data
This guide is a filtering algorithm: measurable questions, clear boundaries, fewer surprises.
The goal isn’t to find someone identical to you. The goal is to find someone whose defaults don’t attack your nervous system daily.
The “Big 5” Friction Points
Cleanliness Threshold
Define “clean.” Is it “sanitize daily” or “no visible mold”? This is the #1 conflict generator.
Financial Reliability
Rent is just the start: utilities, groceries, deposits, and what happens when income changes.
Noise & Schedules
Mismatched sleep cycles create resentment. “Quiet” and “late” must be quantified.
Guest Policy
Partners staying over is the classic lease poison. Set a number: nights/week, notice window.
Privacy & Boundaries
Borrowing food, entering rooms, using personal items, sharing spaces while working from home—this is where “small disrespect” becomes a daily war.
Don’t guess. Measure it.
Our “Ick Factor” Test simulates living with someone. It turns habits (dishes, bathroom, guests, noise, temperature) into a score you can actually use.
The Interrogation Protocol
Polite conversation hides red flags. These 50 specific data points are designed to expose lifestyle incompatibilities before you sign the lease.
- How long can dishes stay in the sink? (Hours vs days)
- “Clean as you go” or “big clean on Sundays”?
- Bathroom cleaning: weekly, biweekly, or “when it looks dirty”?
- Trash rule: how often is “often”?
- Shoes inside: yes/no (and exceptions)?
- What chore do you refuse to do?
- How do you handle expiring food in the fridge?
- Clutter tolerance in common areas (0–10)?
- Do you wash dishes immediately or “later”?
- Do you expect shared cleaning supplies or individual?
- Absolute max budget for rent + utilities?
- Have you ever been late on rent? (Be honest.)
- Utilities: whose name is on the bills?
- Shared consumables (TP, oil, spices): split or separate?
- How do we split household items (cleaning, trash bags)?
- Furniture ownership: who owns what if we move out?
- What happens if one person loses a job?
- Subletting policy for long travel periods?
- Security deposit: how is it handled and documented?
- Payment method: automatic transfer dates or manual reminders?
- Partner sleepover limit: how many nights/week?
- Guest notice: 1 hour before or 1 day before?
- Parties: yes/no, and how often is acceptable?
- Quiet hours: when does the house shut down?
- Drinking at home: normal/rare/never?
- Smoking/vaping: allowed, balcony-only, or never?
- Pets: allergies, boundaries, and responsibilities?
- Are friends allowed to “hang out” when you’re not home?
- Do you want roommates to be friends or just co-exist?
- Overnight guests in living room: allowed or never?
- Weekday sleep time and wake time?
- Weekend schedule: same or chaos?
- Music/TV volume tolerance (0–10)?
- Headphones rule at night: expected or optional?
- Do you work from home? If yes, where?
- Calls/meetings in common areas: acceptable or no?
- Cooking hours: any restrictions late-night?
- Laundry times / dryer noise: any rules?
- Alarm habits: snooze 1x or 12x?
- Thermostat: ideal winter/summer settings?
- Conflict style: direct talk or passive-aggressive notes?
- How do you want feedback delivered when you’re being annoying?
- Room privacy: can anyone enter your room ever?
- Borrowing items (charger, shampoo): ask first or open season?
- Food policy: shared / labeled / “touch my milk and die”?
- House meetings: monthly check-in or only when needed?
- Biggest pet peeve when living with others?
- Stress reaction: isolate, vent, or demand attention?
- Chores conflict: what happens if someone “forgets” repeatedly?
- Apology style: fix it immediately or avoid the topic?
How to use the vault (fast)
- Ask the questions in the order above. Do not improvise first.
- For any “depends,” force a number (nights/week, hours, budget caps).
- If you disagree on two or more Big 5 items, do not co-sign a lease.
The Red Flags
Sometimes people lie. Or they lack self-awareness. Watch for these cues during the interview process. If you spot more than two, run.
Flag #1
“I’m super chill / laid back about everything.”
Translation: I will never clean, and I will call you “uptight” when you ask for dishes.
Flag #2
They badmouth all previous roommates.
Translation: You will be the next villain in their story.
Flag #3
“I’m currently between jobs / freelancing is slow.”
Translation: They might be great people, but can they pay rent next month?
Flag #4
They interrupt you constantly.
Translation: Weak boundaries. This will translate to eating your food and ignoring your space.
The Agreement
Handshakes don’t survive 2 AM arguments. Draft a simple “Roommate Constitution.” It doesn’t need to be legally complex. It needs to be written.
- Quiet Hours: defined times (e.g., 11 PM – 7 AM).
- Guest Limit: max nights per week for partners + notice window.
- Thermostat Range: agreed seasonal band, not vibes.
- Cleaning Rotation: who does what and when (with a reset rule).
- Food Policy: shared vs labeled vs separate shelves.
- Conflict Protocol: “We talk within 24 hours” + no group chats as warfare.